RATED R FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE CLOSED MINDED
ACT 1
WE JOIN OUR HEROS AS THEY CRUISE TO GOTHAM IN THEIR BLUNTMOBILE.
"Your cousin better ******** be here lunch box, I was gonna score with that one fine a** one eye'd b***h back at the quick stop alley, but noooo, you get a call and we gotta drop everything and go look for this cousin who you still wont tell me any ******** thing about." Chronic cross his arms and looks to Bluntman in the drivers seat. Bluntman gives Chronic a look, immediately Chronic understands him.
"Yea I know tons a fun, family first." Chronic looks back out the window to the tall buildings of Gotham City. Suddenly he spots a fine young beauty bent over in an alleyway. Shes wareing a black and red spandex costume, and looks like someone from a pack of cards. Chronic pulls on Bluntmans sholder.
"Holy bodashious buttcheecks Bluntman, check this s**t out man!" He points to the fine little psychopath. She flings a sack over her sholder and makes her way to the back of the building. "We gotta get over there dude..." Bluntman cuts Chronic a look. "Come on man! We been searching for you cousin for hours, let me get this one lay in, and then we'll go back on the look out. I promis." Bluntman sighs, and busts a hard U turn. They make their way to the alley the young costumed woman was last seen in. Chronic waists no time, he quickly opens his door and jumps out.
"Where are you my crazy lookin cutie? Come to Poppa Chronic!!!"
He spots her standing at a door, she looks shocked to see him. Chronics jaw drops as an alleyway light flickers on above her, her amazing curves and psychotic yet sexy appearance make his eyes beat faster. He knew right away who she was. "HOLY s**t, YOUR HARLEY!!! THE JOKERS CHICK!!!" She smiles. "Babe, im like, your biggest ******** fan." Her smile gets wider. "Yo, I's gots to ask you for one huge favor, can we ******** gives Chronic a glare, then her eyes turn kind and she walks tword him, showing off her curves with every step. Chronic can feel his heart beat harder with her every step. She carresses his face. "Your very blunt, arent you?" She says. "Na, that would be my sidekick." He points a thumb to Bluntman. Bluntman gives a shocked, then pissed look to Chronic.
Harley chuckles. "Huh, thats funny. You look more like the side kick." Chronic's eyes seem as though their going to buldge out of his head. "Why the ******** does everyone think im the sidekick? What is it? Is it the bootys? Look I didnt choose them ok, the ******** guy makeing the costumes did."
Harley chuckles at his rant. "Your cute." She says and takes him by the hand. "You can have that ********, but just this once. She looks them both over, eyeballing their costumes. "What do you call yourselves?"
"Oh, Im Chronic and this is Bluntman." Harley gives Bluntman a weird look. "Bluntman?" She says curiously. "You by any chance tryin to copy the Batman shuga?" Bluntman blushes and shakes his head. "Mmmmm, the strong silent type. Come on, you can come too." She takes Bluntmans hand and the three of them make their way to the Bluntmobile.
After two hours of rocking their brains out, Harley exits the vehicle. "Thanks for the fun time boys, hope ta see ya around." She fixes her hat and walks away. Bluntman and Chronic light up a fat blunt and pass it. "That was the s**t dude. Did you see me man, I was all like, NUGGA NUGGA NUGGA NUGGA NOOOTCH!!!" He makes hard thrusting motions as he says this. Bluntman inhails and rolls his eyes.
"See man, arent you glad I told you to pull the ******** over?" Bluntman nodds and passes the blunt. "But no, you tryed to give that look like, Oh no we cant, we gotta go find my cousin." He stops himself from smokeing. "Hey, who the ******** is your cousin anyway?" Chronic asks Bluntman. Bluntman just looks up, then his eyes pop open wide. He points up. Chronic inhails and looks up, then chokes on the smoke.
"NO ******** WAY??? YOUR LIEING!!!" Chronic gives another excited look back up at the sky. "YOUR COUSIN IS BATMAN???" Bluntman smiles and puts the car in gear, they swerve out the alleyway and make their way to the starting place of the batman spot light.
ACT 2
Bluntman and Chronic make it to the police station in time to see Batman arrive to the roof. "Oh what the ******** man? The cars smoked out and were surrounded by pigs, how the ******** are we gonna get out without these guys comein after us?" Bluntman holds up a finger, signaling Chronic to give him a second. He pulls into an alleyway near by, they both get out and Bluntman clicks a button on his Bluntbelt. The Bluntmobile transforms into a busted down piece of s**t. Chronic smiles and fist bumps Bluntman. "BOOOONNNNNNGGGGGG!!!!! Very nice my blazin brotha! Now, lets go see the main ******** man."
Bluntman gets his grapple gun out and blasts it at the roof of the building Batman stood. Bluntman grabs Chronic by the waist and clicks the retracting button. In a flash they soar through the air and make it to the roof top, unfortunetly the speed of the retraction caused our heros to fly over the roof and land hard on the floor of the roof. They lay their, Batman and Gordon looking down on them. Batman with a batarang in his hand, Gordon with his gun drawn. Chronic looks up first and sees this. "WAIT, DONT SHOOT DONT SHOOT!" He crawls over to Bluntman, and puts Bluntman's body infront of him as cover. "Ok, go for it!"
Bluntman gives Chronic a ******** up look and gets to his feet, and dusts himself off. Batman gives a small smile. "Well, if it isnt my little cousin. How are you Bo...Bluntman. I like the costume idea." Bluntman smiles and straitens his cotusme, pointing to Batman and giveing a thumbs up. "Great minds I guess." Batman replys. "Whos your sidekick?" He asks Bluntman.
"WHAT THE ******** IS THIS s**t? HOW AM I THE ******** SIDEKICK? IS IT THE ******** RED UNDIES?" Batman gives Chronic a conserned look. "This ones got a mouth on him." He says to Bluntman. Bluntman just shrugs and nodds his head. Chronic gives both of them a ******** up look and cuts in. "Yea what the ******** ever, whats the problem man? What is it that you need our help with?"
Batman pulls out a Jokers card. "You familliar with this guy?" Both our heros look at each other in shock and then back at Batman. "Were going after the Joker?" Chronic asks. "Yes. Hes been building a small group of local villians here in Gotham. I have yet to catch them all. I need help, and when I heard of . .Bluntmans actions back in Jersy, I thought I would give him a call." Chronic shrugs. Well what the ******** are we standing here for, lets go get these ******** before some more s**t goes down!"
"SNOOTCH TO THE MOTHA ******** NOOOTCH!!!" Chronic leaps off the building, forgeting he cant fly. "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Batman and Bluntman leaps the rooftop and catches Chronic, each grabing a leg. Both shoot a grapple gun, both hooks make their mark on the roof and the three men assend slowly to the ground. Once close enough to drop Chronic, the let go and he hits the ground hard. "WHAT THE ********? A LITTLE SOFTER NEXT TIME MAN, s**t!"
"Wheres your car?" Batman asks Bluntman. Bluntman smiles and clicks a button, the Bluntmobile transforms back into its badass self. He smiles to his cousin. Batman returns the smile and clicks a button on his belt as well, the Batmobile makes its entrence in a roar from its monsterous engine. Bluntman and Chronic give it a look of amazement and then look to Batman. "Well lets get our asses out there man, I GOT SHOT GUN b***h!" He yells as he runs to the Batmobile. Bluntman gives him a look.
"What man, its the ******** Batmobile. Let me ride!" Bluntman shrugs and the men get inside their cars and take off. Batman calls Bluntman on the batwave radio. "Bluntman, I have intelengnce that the Joker is in an ababndoned toy factory. Nothing new on his part. Follow me and we will ambush him. I have been looking for his partner, Harley Quin. Shes in on his plan, and she must be stoped. They plan on blowing up Gotham with a bomb shaped like a baloon." Chronic gives a look like hes messed up, then whistles and twiddles his thumbs.
The three ride for about 15 min. untill they reach a sorry excuse for a building. It seems as though it will fall apart in any minute. "Holy ******** dude, are we goin in their?" Chronic asks Batman. "Yes, unless your scared. Then you can stay here sidekick." He opens the roof and jumps out. "Man I sware if you call me sidekick one more ******** time, im going upside your head!" He makes a few wrestleing moves. "yea, you dont want none-a that s**t!!!" Batman shakes his head and looks to Bluntman, whos walking tword them. "Ok guys, are you ready?" Both Bluntman and Chronic nodd to his question, then our three heros make their way into the building, silently and cautiously. Like ninjas in the night.
They spot the Joker in the middle of a huge empty factory floor. Busted machine parts scattered everywhere. Joker and Harley are yelling at one another. "You've ******** around on me!! I can smell it!" Joker screams at Harley. "Im sorry puddin, they . . they forced me! I swaare!" Joker backhands Harley, sending her to the floor. "Ohhh, knocked that b***h out for the count yo." Chronic whispers. Batman and Bluntman give him a pissed look. "What, like im the only ******** guy thinking it." They look back to the Joker and Harley, and both are gone. Suddenly they hear someone behind them.
"BATMAN, MY OLD CHUM. WHAT BRINGS YOU TO OUR HAPPY LITTLE HOME?" Jokers got a pistol pointed at the back of both Bluntman and Chronics head. "Dont move batsy, or the fatboy and the little kid get it."
COULD THIS BE THE END FOR OUR HEROS? ARE THEY GOING TO DIE AT THE HANDS OF THE ONE AND ONLY JOKER? DID THEY GET A VD FROM HARLEY? WHO THE ******** KNOWS? ............. OH WAIT, YOU WILL, IN OUR NEXT ISSUE.
BLUNTMAN and CHRONIC in,
BASH OF THE BADASSES!!!
