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 Posted: Tue Feb 23, 2010 6:14 pm
A story I'm working on...
At the sound of frogs chirping in the night, my eyes fluttered open. I was lying in a grassy field, fireflies flickering above my face. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought the stars were dancing in the sky. There was probably a creek or pond near-by, which would explain the Peepers.
I didn’t know where I was, why I was here, or even who I was. To make things worse, I couldn’t move any part of my body. Apart from my eyes, which were frantically searching the sky. For what, I didn’t know. But it was the only thing I could do, besides breathe.
The cool air danced on my skin, creating a tingling sensation all over my nearly paralyzed body. If I wasn't frozen in place, I would have been shivering. It's only July. But wherever this place was, it felt more like mid-Spring. Or even early Autumn.
A sudden breeze picked up, and my body went numb. Help! Please! Can somebody please help me? I can’t move! I tried to open my mouth so I could scream. But the pleading came as a thought—a soundless cry for help.
Crunch. Was that… Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.
My eyes widened at the crunching sound of feet on gravel. “Help!” I tried to scream again, but it came out as a loud croak. Out of fear, or just because my mouth was incredibly dry.
Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.
The footsteps quickened to what sounded like a light jog. As they drew near, fear and anticipation built up inside me, filling my entire body. Why did I even say anything? I could be—
“She’s over here!” Someone called in what may have been they direction they came from.
As I laid there waiting, my body started loosening up. I couldn’t move, though. I was afraid. I was afraid of whatever was about to happen.
Seconds later I found myself staring into the eyes of the most beautiful man. Beautiful, it's the only way I could describe him. Only, he wasn't a man. He looked to be seventeen, and he had... wings? Wings. Like a butterfly.
His curious, vibrant violet eyes peered into mine, and I was immediately drawn in.
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Posted: Wed Feb 24, 2010 4:14 pm
beautifle discriptions, I can't wait to read more
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Spontaneous Rabies- Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Feb 24, 2010 4:40 pm
...and likewise, I too, was drawn in.
I really liked how you went right into the story. And bravo on the description! A few repetitive sentences; but none who are as critical as I am (and trust me, hardly any) would even notice.
Seriously, continue on with this story of yours. I find it interesting enough and it kept my attention all the way through.~
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Posted: Wed Sep 08, 2010 1:44 pm
That was really good! You have very nice description and detail. But I would put a space between paragraphs, just to make it easier to read smile The ending surprised me. I expected the person who found her to be apart of a search party, but the fact that it was an angel made me want to keep reading and made me wonder what happened to her. Please, continue!
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