Welcome to Gaia! ::

Heidla was feeling nostalgic (again!) Since when it has become her favourite mood, she wondered. It was quite an ill-suited one, anyway. It both blocked her ability to rise up to the occasion and made her weak and sweet - both qualities she hated. But it was so easy to fall under the spell of being weak here, to let someone decide and care for you - if she could only find someone to care for her. Despite the sad setting of her thoughts, she couldn't help grinning. It would have been a curious experiment to imagine someone who could actually care for her - who was brave enough to offer her care! There she was, a little heartache, a little pain in the a**, at least that's what she always meant to be.

And then, there was no-one else. The priestess was walking around the new premises Clansmen of all the four clans tried to build in reminiscence of their former glory, and feeling useless. It would have been nice if she could help, but she was in no helping mood, and that irritated her. Why couldn't they see that it was all irrevocably lost, it would never be the same, they would never fit? They were, after all, quite a mismatched crowd, - originally different Clans could not mix well, that was a funny idea, they were too self-absorbed to match, to fuse in! Now, brought all together in a closed space they had to construct a new future together - and Heidla still was not sure whether it was a good idea after all. She was wary about the Famine and the War; and as much as she tolerated the Conquest, there was still a touch of unease whenever she tried to break the ice. She desperately wanted to get back - to see her clansmen - her fellow priestesses, after all! True, she must admit, they had their moments of envy and rivalry, but now it all seemed so petty and insignificant. Shared sense of loss and misery brought them together closer than ever, and now she longed for a comprehending smile of one of her trance companions.

Wait... could it be that she saw Erintis? She waived her hand hesitatingly.

Heidla smiled and joined the other priestess. It was warm to be with someone with whom you shared your past - more than your past, your pride and hope and wisdom and way of life! She never realized it before, but their sisterhood meant a lot to her; at least they could understand each other without haunting pauses, as with other clansmen, or awkward miscommunications, as with other horsemen, or distrust and wariness as with Halloweeners.

"I have been stuck in my turret", she hastened to explained her disappearance upon arrival to Amityville and general unwillingness to take part in the life of the new community. "Too many visions, and I seem to have collapsed of exhaustion".

She blushed a bit. That was not exactly true. She didn't have too many visions, and she wasn't exhausted, just.... washed out. Washed out of her will to live and fight, and of her moods as well. She hoped Erintis would understand her. Priestess shared the same sensibility about their trance - so Heidla hoped that at least this helplessness of hers, this inadequacy, inability to adapt - was a common thing among her kind. They have always been pillars of the Death society - strong enough to guide and to fight, but now, robbed of their former duties and rituals, they must understand her feeling of loneliness and despair.

Heidla paused for a moment, then continued: "So.... how has it been going... here?"

Guardian? Heidla shuddered. She banned those thoughts from her mind. Not that they were exactly on good terms, but he was a faithful creature... as it was his duty, of course (a splash of Heidla of the Death Isle, proud and impetuous, rose up, but was subdued)... as he never found her here, it seems that he was... no more.

She smiled ruefully. "Don't ask me about it. I have not been looking for him, and he... he never found me, so I guess...", she tailed off in a faint hope that Erintis would not press for details. "Let's go. I like it spending time by the water, it reminds me of the old days. Shall I help you? What are you carrying?"

"Alpacas!" Heidla smirked. "The small ones are so fluffy, they look like little seals - and you know how particular I feel about them... I wonder what the headpriestess has about her alpacas... "

"Like, you know, I do believe that eventually the seals will help us to regain our memories - do the alpacas have a special place in Medea's plans? If they do, I would like to know what it us.... Now, with us having lost so many things, every bit of information is important, don't you think so?... I haven't done much yet, so I skipped the alpaca quest - hope it won't bring me into disgrace, - have you found it?... Alpacas, heh..."

She actually didn't remember whether Erintis cared about any pet in particular, but as it was not so uncommon among the priestesses, she just asked bluntly. "And have you found any new useful pets here?"

Then a thought occurred to her, "Have you met other clans, now? We haven't known much about them - not that I really wanted to, really! I have always thought other clans are annoying - but I guess now, I can't afford thinking so anymore. We need them, don't we? Too few of us left to do it on our own. Now, have you seen them[/i]" she emphasized the "them" part trying to show that she was in no particular liking of other clans.

"Are they useful? Sorry to pour out all those questions on you, but I'm really.... I mean, I feel I missed out so much by having withdrawn from life! But I felt so... so miserable", she signed.

Heidla smiled, "The other day I was all but attacked by a Famine Clanswoman who demanded that I should find water for her. Have they ever seen a priestess before? Do they really think that we have sunk that low? Our lives are spent in silent studies, and our help is that of spiritual kind" she pouted.

"I have never in my life done anything practical", she smiled bitterly. "Next time they would ask me to cook dinner for their whole community. It is so irritating! They show neither respect nor comprehension. Good there was one of the jewelcrafters who went instead", she felt uneasy about admitting that actually she felt so lonely that went with him.

Loneliness..... was there any way out from it now? Would they ever be able to be the way they were? They walked in silence for a while, as it seemed that it was easier to communicate in silence. There were some things that words just could not enclose - that feeling of loss. Then Heidla continued, "Have you seen the head priestess recently? What would she say about it, I wonder? Guess she does not know we get treated like some low-class servants by other Clans.... Probably, she's too busy", the priestess signed. "Do you think they will finally manage to get separate accommodation for different clans? Or is it - just another thing from the past?"

"As for the wells, there is something I wanted to share with you. The ornament on the one I found reminded me of one pattern I found in one of our old books. Dragons and trees; is there something familiar in it for you? To be precise, it looks like the dragon is eating the roots of the tree - and I am almost sure there was a legend I read once; the story is sooo familiar", Heidla frowned. " I asked one of our jewelcrafters to copy the pattern for me, but you know it might take time, as we're all busy now...."

"I was also thinking about a new library - don't we need a new space to keep all our logs and calculate fear and stuff... Also, I learn so many new things here everyday!" her face brightened. "It is so different from what we had back home!"

Could it be that her voice seemed enthusiastic? That she actually enjoyed meeting new people and cataloguing them, that for her, personally, this field study experience that Amityville turned out to be, was both useful and changing her into a better person? She wouldn't think about it, it was far easier to sulk over the past, but there was something new in her, some new eagerness manifested in the way she hastened to share her discoveries. "Do you think anyone mentioned a new library already? I guess, most of the priestesses should be up for it.... I imagine we could build something spikey, same way as we had back home", she smiled. "You remember all those spires? Have you seen anything similar here, in Amityville?... and about other clans.... aren't you at a loss how to interact with them? After all, they are different from the way they were described in books.... don't you think so?"

[align=center][size=10][color=white]í wαtchєd чσu slєєpín' quíєtlч ín mч вєd, чσu dσn't knσw thís nσw вut[/color][/size] [url=http://s55.photobucket.com/albums/g122/rixxy556/Toderici Nicoleta/][img]http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g122/rixxy556/trains_by_satrapi-d31bw8z_zpscb9a693e.jpg[/img][/url] [color=white]__________________[/color][size=22][color=white]xxxxxx[/color][color=cornflowerblue][b]guínєvєrє[/b][/color][size=7] [color=white]XX[/color][color=white] thєrє's sσmєthíngs thαt nєєd tσ вє sαíd, ít's αll thαt í cαn hєαr, ít's mσrє thєn í cαn вєαr[/color][/size][color=white]xxxxxxxxx[/color] [color=white][/color][size=28] [color=thistle]❥[/color][/size] [color=cornflowerblue][b]wαllαcє[/b][/size] [size=9][color=thistle][u][color=white]XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[/color][color=white] в є α u t í f u l[color=white]XX[/color] в u t [color=white]XX[/color] d є α d l ч [color=white]XX[/color][color=white]XXXXX[/color][/color][color=white]XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[/color][/u][/color][/size] [color=cornflowerblue][size=15]⇢[/size] [size=8][color=dimgray] d í s t r í c t [color=white]XX[/color]f σ u r[/color][/size] [size=15]⇠[/size][/color][/list][/list][/list][/list][/list][/list][/list][size=11][color=mediumpurple] [align=center]иєνєя ωαииα вє, иєνєя ωαииα вє тнαт gιяℓ ωιтн α мιℓℓισи иєє∂ѕ, ωнσ кєєρѕ яυииιиg уσυя ωσяℓ∂ вσу, ∂σ уσυ ℓιє, ωнєи уσυ ѕαу ι ℓσσк gσσ∂ тσиιgнт. ι ѕєє α мєѕѕ ιи тнє мιяяσя, вυт уσυ ѕєє тнє gιяℓ σf уσυя ∂яєαмѕ ι ѕєє тнє ∂αяк ¢ℓσυ∂ѕ яσℓℓιиg ιи, вυт уσυ ѕєє тнє ѕку ι ¢αи'т ѕєє ι нєαя тнιѕ мєℓσ∂у ¢σмιиg συт αℓℓ ωяσиg ιт ѕσυи∂ѕ ℓιкє тнє ¢нασѕ ι нєαя ιи му нєα∂ αℓℓ иιgнт ℓσиg, вυт уσυ нєαя α ѕσиg [/align][/size][/align] [list][list][list][list][list][list][list][list][list][list][color=dimgray][size=11]Right now Gwen just wanted this meeting to be over. Sure she wanted to know everything that Scarlett had to tell them but she also wanted to crawl in bed and never have to come out again. She was exhausted and stressed to the max. She was letting her emotions get the better of her. What Aidan had said was bothering her. Usually it would have, but there was just something about it that upset her. She knew he didn’t mean anything by it, but why would he think that. Did he think that she was so weak that she couldn’t handle talking to him about what’s going on in his head? Was she that fragile that she couldn’t know what was going on in his head? Or did he just not trust her enough? She didn’t know, and she knew she was letting her emotions take over but there was just something about it that bothered her. She wasn’t fragile, she didn’t need to be coddled. She needed someone to look her in the eyes and tell her to stop having such a pity party with herself. She needed someone to give her some tough love. Was Aidan even able to do that for her? She didn’t know.. She had no idea what he thought about any of this. Actually she didn’t know much about him at all. Just like he didn’t know much about her. They’d been so focused on everything else that they hadn’t been able to take much time to share common interests. She knew a few things about him.. But they’ve been together for a while now. She felt she should know a lot more. She knew she was to blame for that too. She hadn’t really wanted to talk about it before. It was kind of hard to talk about all that stuff.. It made her think of home and it made her homesick. Maybe she really was just hopeless. Maybe she was destined to be like Annie. Maybe she just needed to accept that.. Walking into the meeting room had been enough to distract her from her thoughts. Everyone was getting settled and having conversations among themselves. She let Aidan lead her to a spot not far from Kamila and Erik. She was happy to take a seat, her legs were sore from all the walking they had done and the stress. Every muscle in her body was tight and that was starting to wear on her. She glanced around the room, her eyes finding the monitors. What was the point of all those? She sure didn’t see one. She really hoped this wasn’t going to turn into some long lecture about what Scarlett’s been doing underground for so long. Hell maybe she’ll explain why she left Kamila in the first place. That would be nice to know.. It was a bit baffling as to why she had faked her death. Gwen could feel Aidan’s eyes on her but didn’t look at him. She just wanted to focus on this meeting and nothing else right now. Holding his hand was just a reminder of how close he was to her and that he was there. Her thoughts kept drifting back to him and what he had said which was starting to wear on her. Maybe the stress of it all was finally getting to her and she was going to have a complete meltdown that Aidan wouldn’t be able to help her through.. Maybe that was just what needed to happen. Maybe she just needed to let herself break into pieces so she could put herself back together the way she wanted to be. She wasn’t happy with the person she’s become.. She wasn’t happy in general. It was like every ounce of happiness had drained from her and all she wanted to do was crawl under the blankets of her bed and never move again. Her eyes found Scarlett entering the room and her blue eyes locked on the woman. She didn’t let her attention go anywhere else as the woman began her speak. She’d better have something good to say because Gwen was already on edge. [b][color=#BF94E4]"I am sure this has been a lot for you to take in but I want you to know you're safer here than you would be anywhere else in Panem. This rebellion started today after we took you and while it hasn't been assessed what is going on in the rest of the Districts be assured that we will be working efficiently to get everyone informed"[/color][/b] So that meant she had no idea what was going on at all. Was she really any better off than they were? Sure she had weapons and people to fight but what good was a rebellion if she didn’t have the support of the other districts. Scarlett wanted them to know they were safe here, but for how long? How long would it take Cenek to figure all of this out and to bring the hammer down on their head? How many of them were going to have to die to bring Cenek to trial? [b][color=#BF94E4]"First, I would like to welcome you to your new home, at least until this is all over. Myself along with a a very hard working team have worked tirelessly to get this set up so we are not only off the grid but fully prepared for just about anything. It has taken nearly ten years to get established and while this rebellion is moving faster than we anticipated we are ready to fight, and you need to be as well"[/color][/b] Gwen’s breath caught in her throat when she heard that it had taken nearly ten years to get established. Ten years? How long had she known about the monster Cenek was? Why had it taken ten years for to do something? She barely heard the last of what the woman said as her head began to spin. What kind of game was this? Ten years and this was as far as she’s made it? She didn’t even have the support of the other districts for god’s sake! [b][color=#BF94E4]"Please, I would like for you to ask any questions you have and I will answer them to the best of my ability"[/color][/b] Gwen’s head spun around at the woman’s words. Questions? She could think of a number of questions to ask the woman. [color=cornflowerblue][b]“Ten years!? You've known about this for ten ******** years!?”[/b][/color] She snapped at the woman at the other end of the table. She yanked her hand away from Aidan as she could feel her blood begin to boil. [color=cornflowerblue][b]“You've known this long and you still let the games happen? You let Cenek do this? If you had just stopped it none of us would even have to be here! We could be safe at home and have never had to deal with all of this!”[/b][/color] Gwen stood up from her chair, placing her hands on the table in front of her to support herself. She was angry and she could feel her legs shaking. [color=cornflowerblue][b]“If you’ve known then you should have stopped him sooner! Maybe if you had done something all those kids wouldn’t have died.. Were their deaths supposed to make people hate Cenek? Was that why you didn’t step in? Just like you let him take Kamila!?”[/b][/color] Gwen glared down the table at her. [color=cornflowerblue][b]“I refuse to be someone’s puppet in all of this! Don’t use us to make an example out of Cenek!”[/b][/color] She sucked in a breath through clenched teeth. [color=cornflowerblue][b]“And you haven’t contacted the other district? Do you really think they’re going to want to follow someone who’s apparently been dead for so many years?! Why should they trust you!? You’ve already been lying to everyone! I’m sure you have some great excuse for your actions, but it won’t excuse the fact that that you lied not only to all of Panem but to your own daughter!”[/b][/color] Gwen’s fingers clenched into fists, her knuckles turning white. [color=cornflowerblue][b]“Why should we believe anything you tell us?!”[/b][/color] She finally said, not bothering to glance around at anyone else. Her attention was on Scarlett and Scarlett only. [/color][/size][/color][/list][/list][/list][/list][/list][/list][/list][/list][/list][/list] [align=center][size=9][color=thistle][u][color=white]XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[/color][color=white] X X X X[color=white]XX[/color] X X [color=white]XX[/color] X [color=white]XX[/color] X X X X X X X X X X [color=white]XX[/color][/color][color=white]XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[/color][/u][/color][/size][/align] [align=center][img]http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g122/rixxy556/34ew.jpg[/img][/align] [align=center][i][color=thistle][/color][/align][/i]