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It was strange, being a mated mare - and being a mare mated to the leader of a whole herd, no less! It was stranger still being a mare mated to a stallion who already had children. And not just one or two children - several of them. It had been a difficult adjustment for Ruby Maxine in the beginning; she was hyper-aware of the perception of others, and worrying about that occupied a great deal of her time. She had been unable to relax, and she had felt like she was performing all the time, tripping over herself to seem like the perfect step-parent to Viracocha’s children.

It was exhausting. For everyone involved. It was tiresome to the very people Ruby Maxine wanted to impress; it was tiresome to Viracocha, even though he never said anything; and it was tiresome to Ruby herself, who simultaneously wanted to relax and just be herself, and wanted to be the perfect addition to the family unit. She was terrified that the two things were incompatible with each other.

But even the best performer can only keep it up for so long. Eventually they will reach the end of their tether, and for Ruby Maxine, that time came around the end of the previous year. It had been snowing for days, and Ruby had wanted to offer everyone the most perfect meal to celebrate. She had worked herself into a tizzy, hounded her friends and family to try and arrange everything exactly the way it was ‘supposed’ to be, and then, in the end -

It was an absolute disaster. The food she’d set to cook had burned or undercooked or mushy or out and out rotted. The musicians she’d arranged got snowed in. It was a mixed miracle that any of the guests had even been able to make it. They had, of course, because her embarrassment just had to have an audience. If it had all been ruined and they hadn’t even had anyone over, it wouldn’t have been such a big deal!

And she still wasn’t pregnant.

It was the icing on her stressful cake. She wanted foals, her own foals, so badly. It was what a mated mare did! What they were supposed to do, anyway. Just another failure.

So…she had kind of lost it a little bit. Ruby Maxine had a bit of a breakdown, yelling, crying, the whole nine yards, and then she had collected herself, gotten herself together. She’d slept for about an entire day, and when she returned, she had decided she was at peace. She was at peace with it all. So the food was terrible, the dinner hadn’t gone off at all, and she didn’t have her own babies to mother.

There was something refreshing about having an entire meltdown. Something freeing about absolutely hitting your limit, about letting all of that tension come loose. After her ‘nap’, she had realized that it didn’t matter when it happened - she knew she would give Viracocha more children someday, somehow. She was, faintly, worried about what his existing children would think of her, say of her, but she was pleased to find that those who had attended were supportive. Some even said it was nice to see that she had feelings, because she’d kept them all so locked down before.

They’d seen her at her worst, and they still cared for her. That was the most freeing thing of all.

So, now, months after that disastrous occurrence, Ruby Maxine was feeling - she was feeling. That had become a bit forgotten, in her relentless pursuit of perfection. She had gotten better about expressing her genuine opinions, and better about holding herself to slightly more reasonable standards. Slightly.

But that didn’t mean she didn’t still want things. She still very much wished to be a mother, but she had sublimated that desire, which would only come in time - if she remained as tense as she’d been the previous year, might never come at all. So she focused on getting what she called ‘practice’: trying to be a good, caring, supportive step-parent to Viracocha’s children. To their children, she was constantly correcting herself.

They were distrustful, understandably, but Ruby Maxine had learned that trying to fake it, trying to be what she thought they wanted her to be - not only did it not work, but it actually made her goals less likely to be achieved. Nobody liked a faker.

So Ruby put in the time. As the snow began to melt away, so did her bad temper, and some of her disappointment and anger in herself. She apologized, and meant it. She learned about their worlds - what they were like, what they wanted or feared. She asked herself what made a good mother, and the answer came back: being there. Being there made a good mother. Being there, listening, supporting. Sure, fancy dinners occasionally didn’t hurt, but - that wasn’t what mattered. What mattered was time, and Ruby Maxine decided, as spring sprung, that she would give her time to her mate and her mate’s children. Everything else would take care of itself.

It would have to, Ruby Maxine thought to herself. She could redirect her focus, but she never lost sight of the actual goal. She would make a family - even if for some reason she was never able to bear her own foals. She would ensure that Viracocha and his children and their herd never lacked for love in their life. She would do what she could - and if the universe knew what was good for it, it would - eventually - reward her.

One way or another.

When it was springtime, it was easier to get out of her own mind. She planted flowers; grew vegetables and didn’t let them go to absolute rot because she forgot about them. She let her hair grow a little longer, a little less perfect. Whenever she felt herself getting too focused on her goals - too focused on what she was ‘supposed’ to be, instead of who and what she was - she would start a new project, or connect with one of the children, or insist that Viracocha take her out on an evening walk around the lake and let him prattle to her about the goings-on of the herd.

One late spring night, when the wind was warm and the flowers bloomed and sent their scent cascading through the air, Ruby Maxine had a dream.

In her dream, she was not much older than she was in her real life. She knew from the beginning it was a dream, because she was outside of her body, and that definitely never happened in the real world. She was outside her body, watching herself play with -

With children. With her own children. Hers and Viracocha’s. They laughed and pranced, they were strong and youthful, beautiful and bold. Ruby Maxine ached to see them. They were perfect, she knew.

To her surprise, the dream-Ruby Maxine turned and - saw her. Looked at her.

“It will happen,” she said, and real-Ruby Maxine had the distinct impression that the children couldn’t see her; it was just Ruby Maxine and…dream/future Ruby Maxine. “I promise. It will happen. Relax.”

“How do you know?” Ruby Maxine asked, barely a whisper. “How can you be sure?”

Dream/future Ruby Maxine smiled. “Because I remember standing where you are right now, feeling how you felt. It will happen. You’re doing everything you’re supposed to be doing.” There was a distracting squeal from the children and both Ruby Maxines turned to look, and then–

Ruby Maxine woke up, breathless, eyes rimmed with unshed tears. It had been so beautiful - and that was going to be her someday. She had made a promise to herself, and she knew she would never lie to herself, not about something this important. Reassurance like that - it was worth more than gold, and Ruby Maxine discovered a new depth in her soul, one composed of perfect cool calm, a smooth and steady river of confidence. It would happen. She was doing everything right, and everything would be okay.

When the spring solstice came around and Ruby Maxine wanted to make a nice meal for everyone - this time, it went off without a hitch, mirroring her inner peace. She had made herself a promise, and she was able to trust herself and that promise completely, even if there was a chance it was just her own subconscious: everything would be okay.