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NOTE: THESE SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY, OR AS ACTUAL SIGNS OF BEING "GOTH" ALOT OF THIS IS STUPID AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH "GOTHIC"!! fOR HUMOUR ONLY! NOT FOR A REFERENCE ON FACTS ABOUT GOTHS!
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This is a newsletter that St. Mary's church in Colorado Springs sent out this week:

If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in.
The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very
dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your
child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church


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My notes and lil comments:
-Mmm..Count Dracula..Yum!
-Apparently masturbation is now "gothic" xD
-Boredom, rock T-shirts, and being gay/bi is now gothic..
-using the net alot is gothic? xD
-Scientology is a cult NOW? xD
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*too lazy to make more comments*

LMAO! apparently, I'm so Goth that I should be dead!

• I like Tattoos. They look cool, and if our body is a Temple, it's our job to decorate, neh?
  
• Since when is being "Eccentirc" a bad thing?
  
• wether or not his lyrics are "Acceptable", Mansons Techno is teh best.
  
• I've taken Ritalin and Prozac before. Is that bad?
  
• I also use Scope, which has a bit of Alcohol. that bad, too?
  
• we all know of teh 14th Commandment, "Thou shalt not be bored"...wait...
  
• My body will take teh sleep it needs to have. Believe it or not, it isn't exactly 8 hours every single night...
  
• privacy is bad? Or would they prefer for them to simply state outright, "I don't like you, so I'm avoiding you"?
  
• peace and quiet can also be used for prayer and Bible Study, or is that disallowed to be done alone?
  
• Never heard of Count Dracula Cereal, but Count Chocula is good. As is FrankenCrunch, though I can't find either in Utah...
  
• Violent Video Games: would you prefer I went out and did it in real life instead? Or will teh pixels do for now? Cause seriously, with some people, I gotta kill something...
  
• Role-playing Games build Character. Seriously, I have a lvl 40 Fighter/Wizard in D&D that could kick Cthulus a** anytime, anywhere...
  
• So what if I haven't logged off my messengers in teh past three months? I like to keep connected with my friends...
  
• So, I took time to learn Salsa. am I supposed to dance that way notprovocatively?
  
• I'm Male and I'm getting Married...no, sex has never crossed mymind...
  
• Philosophy is a cult religion? WTF?!
  

Yeah, it's funny and all, and I remember seeing that thread in M&R. But was that seriously sent out?

Yeah, I heard it was actually sent out in a newsletter from St. Mary's Catholic Church in CO. But, I've also heard that it was released in the "funnies" section. I can't confirm that though...

Either way, it's pretty funny.

Anywhos, shockingly enough, my dress and attitude are not what you would consider "goth," though according to this, I am so totally goth. As is a large population of the world. I would assume only nuns and such are actually non-goth according to this.

...I just imagined a nun dancing provocatively, and it scarred my poor mind.

I don't either. I usually wear light or aqua colors, seeing as that's what colors I look good in. I don't think anyone I know would consider me Goth, especially considering my OCD/ADD behaviour.

Nuns:

• frequently wear black clothing
  
• Wear odd silver jewelry or symbols(crosses)
  
• Associate primarily with people that dress and act teh same
  
• Demand unusual amounts of privacy(as does everyone on convents)
  
• Requests time alone and quietness(typically for prayer and biblical study, as welll as reflection)
  

*counts*
...yup, that's five right there. Nuns are GOTHIC! surprised

lmao have it too X3

Yeah, I would prolly give hugs, if he wasn't recently engaged. He needs to save all his hug power for Demigoddess. :3

-Frequently wears black clothing. (well sorry for all the clothes i like being black.)
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. (oh yes. i am sorry beatles, but your shirts are evil. wtf?)
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos. (what's wrong with a tattoo of a CROSS?)
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (punk and metal, maybe?)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically. (ugh, silly friends!)
-Complains of boredom. (sorry for being bored. yes, weekends will send us all to hell. stare )
-Sleeps too excessively or too little. (i'm tired, okay?)
-Is excessively awake during the night. (too much soda.)
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (i get sunburn easily!)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy. (i'm 13. HELLO?)
-Spends large amounts of time alone. (i'm an only child. what is there to expect?))
-Requests time alone and quietness. (i like being alone. so?)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. (BECAUSE ADULTS ARE NO FUN.)
-Misbehaves at school. (SO BORING.)
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this. (it's halloween, eh?)
-Watches cable television or other corrupted media sources. (everyone watches tv.)
Plays video games that contain violence or are of a role-playing nature. (yes. pokemon is an evil rp game.)
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. (i have no life. gonk )
Violently shakes head to music. (ok, so shaking my head may kill brain cells, but it's evil?)
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner. (it's called HAVING FUN.)
-Claims to be a goth. (well, yeah.)

gonk i'm so evil!! gonk

I do most of those things. It is so stupid to try and make people wear certain things.
I was goth for 3 yrs and my mom hated it because she said it was unchristian. But let me tell you something that I haven't even told her. When I was goth I brought more people to Christ than I do know. (Because it made alot of my friends relize that you can be different a and still be a christian. You don't have to give up your life or friends. You just have to tweak it a little.)
Anyway, I am friends with tones of goths and most of them (not all) are more christian than the people who dress and act normal.